Before and After

I dreamed about the dramatic difference that my Before and After shots would reveal.  For most of my life, stuck in the muck of food addiction and restriction, I believed that if I were thinner, life would magically become better.  Along with the perfect body, I’d find the perfect husband.  I’d live in a perfect house enjoying a perfect life.  I’d have no fears of financial insecurity.  I’d travel whenever I wanted.  As weight fell from my body, everything else would fall into place.

I don’t know where my “Before” pictures are anymore.  My mom took them at the surgery center on the morning that the doctor put a lap band on me.  I remember wincing when I saw them, humiliated by how I looked.

My “After” is different than what existed in my fantasies.  In fact, it has little to do with appearance.  I’m grateful I had the chance to write June 13, 2008 so I could reflect on what it was like then and what it’s like now.

Thank you to Donald Quist for the invitation to write about this day for Past Ten.  Looking back reminded me just how lucky I am to have the perfectly imperfect life I have today.