I dreamed about the dramatic difference that my Before and After shots would reveal. For most of my life, stuck in the muck of food addiction and restriction, I believed that if I were thinner, life would magically become better. Along with the perfect body, I’d find the perfect husband. I’d live in a perfect house enjoying a perfect life. I’d have no fears of financial insecurity. I’d travel whenever I wanted. As weight fell from my body, everything else would fall into place.
I don’t know where my “Before” pictures are anymore. My mom took them at the surgery center on the morning that the doctor put a lap band on me. I remember wincing when I saw them, humiliated by how I looked.
My “After” is different than what existed in my fantasies. In fact, it has little to do with appearance. I’m grateful I had the chance to write “June 13, 2008“ so I could reflect on what it was like then and what it’s like now.